I was reading some BGLH articles (one of my favourite natural hair websites) and according to Domineque Michelle,  "culture - not texture - is the reason many struggle to grow natural hair." I agree to an extent, but I also think that what we expect to gain from natural hair vs the reality has a lot to do with why many of us fail to retain length after we Big Chop.

Domineque goes onto explain that whilst she was raised with her mum lovingly washing, greasing and braiding her tresses, her sister grew up in a place where if you didnt chemically straighten your hair you were perceived as unkempt. Whilst the thickness and health of her hair was being maintained, her sister's hair was thin, breaking and "caked with grease." 

I'm not the only one who grew up within a similar environment to Domineque's sister. My hair was relaxed when I was about 9. I was so excited that in the history of 'child me's' memorable events- It is way up there with my first period. "Good hair" was relaxed hair - it was the norm in my culture and I finally got to be normal.

At 11 I'd convince myself almost daily that my hair looked just like the girl's on the Dark n' Lovely relaxer kit....until I caught a glimpse of my reflection and reluctantly faced the reality of my disobedient hair.

At 14 "wearing my hair down" meant I'd have to look at people I was talking to with my head tilted at an angle so that my hair didn't look as skinny as it really was (like a sheet of paper).

At 15 I stayed well away from School corridor wall displays as I didn't want to be the girl who leaned back and left a grease stain on a fellow pupil's art work.

At 16 I was wearing extentions on a regular basis and during transition periods I would plait my natural hair into what I thought was a pretty impressive style, only for people to say "when are you doing your hair again?"

I remember being 17 and riding the bus and noticing that not one black person had natural hair; nothing but a sea of weaves, wigs and extentions. At the time I'd just taken extentions out and was letting my scalp 'rest' before I bothered it again. I think that was when my 'pro natural hair' seed was planted, I made a subconcious decision to learn to love my natural hair in it's natural state.

ALAS, the 'love' part came with time, and trial and error, natural hair wasn't what I expected it to be AT ALL.

Hair in its "natural state" is obviously something I didn't mind when I was 8. However, at 18 when I did the Big Chop I did not understand why combing my hair was so painful, and why so much of it ended up on my floor. Why did it look like one dry brown shrunken mass as opposed to hundreds of black tight shiny curls? Why didn't I feel attractive anymore?

The expectations versus the reality of natural hair is the reason I think many struggle to grow healthy natural hair. Some people's expectations are just not thought through and can sometimes be as much as a phase as opposed to a lifestyle choice. Furthermore, when we don't get what we expected, we lose our focus and want to turn back time.

Expectation - Pride in loving who you are

Reality  - Shock at getting to know and trying to love who you really are and the unwelcome desire to un-chop your big chop

Expectation - Save money

Reality - You become a product junkie in a quest to excecute the perfect twist out/wash and go with curl definition

Expectation - You'll find yourself a handsome natural husband to go with your handsome natural hair and take #selfies together like the cute Kooples.com couple

Reality - I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but at least 3 of the five natural hair bloggers/vloggers I follow are married to/with white men, based on that small experience and narrow frame of reference I have concluded that white men are attracted to natural hair more than black men are...

Expectation -   You won't have to do anything to your hair, just let it grow out naturally and it will navigate it's own way into becoming Esperanza Spalding's hair twin

Reality - NO. If you don't handle your natual hair with the upmost patience and care, comb it only when its moist and stretch the ends to avoid single strand knots you will not experience length retention for a very very very long time.

I could keep going, but i'd rather hear your expectations and realities - please comment below..

Admittedly, there is no one answer as to why some of us struggle more when it comes to growing natural hair, the trick is not to assume it will be easy. Products are only part of it, the rest is diet, exercise and lifestyle. Do your research and have patience. The chances are your hair is growing just fine, but you must first get to know your hair in order to love your hair and remember to look after the ends of your hair in order to retain that length!

Hey Huggers! [#hugmyhair]

It's been a while since I've posted but I'm back! I'm here to give you a quick update on my hair just incase y'all aren't following my YouTube Channel (which I believe you really should YouTube.com/EyeDahFineMe ) I don't even remember what the last thing I updated you all on was ... *checks previous blog posts* Ahh yes, the Marley Twists lol. Well believe it or not I actually tried them again despite the whole failure of the first attempt... my second attempt wasn't any better lol. I think I will just stick to my box braids and yarn braids (hey, have you checked out my yarn braid tutorial??? Check it out here ). Those who know me or follow me on instagram (@StarryEyed_Ahh) will know that I can't keep the same hairstyle in for a long period of time, even if that is just a week. Meaning that over the holidays I experimented with a few hair styles, here are some of them:

All of these styles were completely new to me, sometimes I wasn't even trying to achieve them, it just happened lol. The first picture was when I tried out Finger Coils which I have a tutorial for on my YouTube Channel. The second picture was taken when I bought myself my first scarf from Primark and experimented with it ;), the last two pictures were taken more recently. I started a One Month No Combs challenge on September 10th and since then I have discovered that my hair can do things that I had no clue about prior to the challenge. So the third picture was from a twist out I did with my first ever middle parting. In the final picture I had used Hug My Hair's 'Because Olive You' and my own concoction of essential oils to do some flat twists and bantu knots that I took out the next day and styled. I am thinking to do a tutorial on that style soon because I have recieved a lot of questions about it.

I am currently loving this No Combs Challenge because I am finding out more and more about my hair each day, and loving every moment of it! Okay, despite the whole finger detangling bit lol. I'll post a detailed account of my experiences when the challenge is over ... stay posted!

Have any of you tried a similar challenge? What were your findings??

Let me know

Aida

LEAH #hugmyhairbeautyspot

H: Introduce yourself

A: Howdy my name is Leah and I love anything that is creative, colourful andFOOD related.

H: Describe the moment you were spotted by Hug My Hair 

A: I was at the WITJ event and I was with a few of the girls chatting by the Hug My Hair stand, one of the lovely ladies came over to say hi.

H: Have you always liked your curls/kinks/coils? if not how did you come to embrace your natural hair?

A: The funny thing is I didn’t always know that I had this mass of curly fuzz on my head, strange I know but I mainly saw my hair blown out or in braids. When I started doing my own hair I would see the curls but I would still blow dry and straighten it because I never knew how to style it whilst curly. I then used to wear it curly from time to time which would involve me wetting my hair and loading it with conditioner. My curls were never as tight as they are now but I guess that is due to my hair constantly being straight. Eventually I just wanted to stop all heat and just be all natural so I started my quest for reviving my curls. Now I love my curly hair wouldn’t change it for the world!!

H: How would you describe your hair texture? 

A: My hair texture is curly, quite fine stands and thick in density and (a diva).

H: Tell us one 'Do' and one 'Don't' for your hair type 

A: A ‘do’ for my hair is to keep it moisturised also do as she says and a ‘don’t’ is to not let her get too tangled (by wearing styles that don’t keep my hair stretched).

H: What advice would you give to someone considering going natural? 

A: I would say to invest time and patience into your journey because they are the two important factors. Also a good routine goes a long way in making it more enjoyable.

H: How do you love to wear your hair? 

A: I love to wear my hair big, wild and free but this isn’t so friendly on the moisture factor, so the next option is a high mighty puff.

H: How often do you wash your hair and what products do you use? 

A: I wash my hair once a week on a Sunday it is my ‘Wash Day’ I will pre poo with an oil or conditioner, shampoo with Desert Essence coconut shampoo, deep condish with Yes to Cucumbers conditioner. Once I am all rinsed I will seal with an oil like extra virgin olive oil and use a leave in something like Kinky Curly knot today or Curls whipped cream. I will either wash n go then throw it up on top of my head or put in some chunky twists to dry overnight.

H: Describe your WORST hair day 

A: My worst hair day was a few days ago, I have just been wearing my hair up for a few days and it just got so tangled and dry. I had knots all over my hair and I just wanted to shave it off (dramatic I know).

H: Is there a blog or website where we can find you?

A: You can find me on me in my lil world called Planet Stylisoulstar, jump on the Aztec printed spaceship and head far north see you there >>>www.stylisoulstar.wordpress.com